Always Near
by KRK the JRK
Summary: A short one shot that came to mind while listening to My Immortal.  Very generic.  AU


You used to captivate me by your resonating light

Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind

Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams

Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

My Immortal

She supposed she should be happy. That's what everyone told her at least. Be happy, your alive. She didn't know if that was true or not. True, she was breathing and she had a heart beat but she didn't feel alive. She didn't feel like she did when she knew he was here beside her.

She had felt happy when she first woke up. Somehow she thought that it had all worked out and she was allowed to be her own person. But then they had to tell her what had happened and she had collapsed into her crippling sadness. They told her that the people she loved were safe and she couldn't help laughing in their faces. How was everyone she loved safe when he wasn't here? They had no answer for that but she could see in their faces that they wished they hadn't said anything.

They wished they hadn't told her that their rescue plan had gone awry at the last second and they'd had to make a choice. They wished they hadn't told her that they had decided she was more important. They wished they had someone here for her, but they were all up ahead. Most importantly though, they wished that they hadn't had to make that choice. The choice between her and him.

They took her back to her room and gave her a shot. She could feel the drugs carrying her to sleep but she fought it as long as she could. She didn't want to go to that place, the place she was sure would be filled with nightmares and dreams of him. She didn't want to dream of him. Eventually she couldn't fight the sleep anymore and she saw rather than felt the world fade into black. Before she was asleep she saw one of them say something to the others. But she couldn't make out why that was important.

Her sleep was fitful and there were moments when she was close to escaping her artificial dreamland but the drugs always dragged her back under. Finally, as she drifted towards awareness, the drugs released their hold on her and she was able to open her eyes.

To her surprise she saw them sitting in chairs beside her bed. She scowled. They looked happy. She saw them holding hands and felt the sting of jealousy. She wasn't jealous of them, just of the happiness that they shared.

He said something to her but she didn't hear or understand what he was trying to say. Now she knows it was 'I'm sorry.' In a way she was glad that she didn't hear it then. She wouldn't have understood. Even now she doesn't understand.

Yes, she supposes that she should be happy. But the sadness that lives in her heart is overbearing. She can feel her mind slipping. Going to the safe places, trying to get away from the sadness. They all try to help her but all it was doing was making her draw further away from them.

She whispers his name but it doesn't help. If anything it only made him seem further away. One day a man came to visit. Sitting in one of the chairs next to her bed he tells her "I really did love you you know."

She nods her head but looks away. She doesn't say anything back. He grabs her hand and she limply hangs on, trying to maintain her last bit of sanity. He understands somehow and pulls her into a hug as she cries for the first time in two months.

She cries for her family, her father and mother, her sister. She cries for the friends that have left and the ones that stayed behind. She cries for the loss of others but not for her own. He knew this and he tried to to talk to her about it but as soon as he mentioned anything she shut down. He tried again and she pushed him away, turning her back to him and closing her eyes.

He shifts in his seat, unsure of what to do. Eventually she heard him stand and walk out, quietly closing the door behind him. Squeezing her eyes against the sudden flood of memories she willed herself to sleep.

They all came to visit her. Tried to convince her to help them with their cause. She thought they just wanted to feel less guilty. Just to spite them they refused. One of them, with bronze hair, knelt by the chair she was sitting in and begged her to help them. He said they needed her and that she was the only one who could do what the people wanted. She told him she was done with being a piece in their plan.

She cried when she realized she was pregnant. She didn't want to have his baby. Not like this. Not without him. She didn't want anyone to know but she wasn't able to hide it. They looked at her with pity. She saw, she hoped she saw, something besides pity in their eyes. Something like a hope. Although it could just be a hope that would help with their cause she read it as a hope that he was okay.

She had no one to help her. No one but his fiancé. She was over almost every day and helped keep the house clean and cook food. She was bubbly and was the one to decorate the baby's room. All green's and yellow's. Neutral colors.

When she was eight month's pregnant she caught wind of a plan that they had made. Something that they thought would convince her to join them. She knew that it wouldn't work. She had nothing to fight for and no reason to be the image. She needed to focus on her baby. She told him that, the bronze haired one. He shook his head at her but walked away.

After that they left her alone. As the days dragged on and the day of the birth came closer she felt further and further away from him. She spent every night crying herself to sleep and straining her mind to feel his arms around her. She started to sink into her depression again. The sadness returned, penetrating the quiet little world she had made for herself.

She was lying in bed when the pain came. Crying out she grasped her stomach and tried to block out the pain like she had been doing with the rest of the pain in her life. She was still lying like that, curled up around her stomach, when his fiancé found her.

With one look she knew what was wrong and tried to coax her out of the bed. When that didn't work she left and came back with him in tow. He walked towards the groaning figure on the bed and gently rubbed her back while telling her all the reasons why she should come with them. She shook her head at all of them and tried to turn her back on them.

Eventually they convinced her, saying that it was important for her child's life. He carried her the whole way to the hospital, his fiancé beside him holding her hand. The doctor glanced at her when they walked in then quickly prepared a place for him to lay her down.

The pain was mind numbing and her methods of escape were no longer working. Eventually she heard one of them, possibly his fiancé, scream "Push!" A while later the room was filled with the impossibly loud cries of the newborn.

As the doctor placed the baby boy in her arms she stared down and felt her heart fill with a love that she hadn't felt before. The blonde hair on his head and his blue eyes so perfectly matching his. Yet there was some of her in him also. The way his eyes scrunched up to block the light. The shape of his lips pinching up in preparation for another yowl.

Looking down at her baby she knew that he wasn't lost as long as she had this one beside her.

**A/N: So this is my first ever fanfiction. Like ever. Is that sad? I'm doing this to help improve my writing style so ANY review would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much for your feedback!**


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